Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
