In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize