he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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