I think my fart just growled at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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