I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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