somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
