I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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