yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
