There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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