OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
