It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
