Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
