I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
