the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
