ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do vagina's smell?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
