i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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