Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You were trust falling into bushes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
