we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
