i just had sex bonerless
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
