but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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