She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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