I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
