My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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