My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize