Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize