I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
