I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
