You're so nebulous sometimes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
