why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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