paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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