i will never coherently bang her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
