I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
