I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
