At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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