Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
