it wasn't lemon gatorade
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
