his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My bed smells like the plague
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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