Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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