i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
