I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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