We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
