evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
