I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
