plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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