i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Panties = found
Randomize
