just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the day after is always just damage control
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
