After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
