this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
