WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
