well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
