the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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