As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
