So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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