can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
