i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
