Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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