YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
