There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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