We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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