I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
