I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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