Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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