i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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