Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
