she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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