Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
